Ides of March
by Silver Elf Child
Summary: The guys must come to grips with some very unexpected and heart breaking news direct from their beloved home- Mars.


Ides of March

By Silver Elf Child

Silver scales glistened in the early morning sun. Modo looked down at the five large fish on his stringer and thought with a smile, _not a bad haul_. He had tried to talk his bros into going fishing with him the night before, but both had refused. A smile bespoke how much they had missed out. The fish didn't just bite this morning; they were practically leaping out of the pond in search of mosquito prey. He almost felt guilty for taking the five fish from their predatory duty.

Back at the score board he set down his pole and tackle before heading off to clean the fish, but the sound of his bros voices caused him to take pause. He walked into the living area and found his bros talking with Carbine and Rimfire. Modo smiled as he entered the room, "well, look who's here."

Rimfire turned at the sound of Modo's voice and gave his Uncle a weak smile, "Hey, Uncle Modo." He noticed the fish and his smile broadened. "Nice haul."

Modo returned the smile and held out the stringer. "Remember how to clean these things?"

Rimfire rolled his eyes. "Do I? You always made me gut the-"

Throttle cleared his throat, interrupting their banter.

"What's up?" Modo asked his tan furred friend.

"We have important things to discuss Big Fella. Why don't you put the fish away for a bit?"

Modo shrugged, promised to be right back and took the fish into the kitchen. When he returned, Carbine was at Rimfire's throat, threatening him for who knows what. Even Rimfire couldn't have gotten into too much trouble within that short amount of time. "Hey!" The two broke apart at his exclamation.

Rimfire bit his lower lip as he studied the floor. Carbine glared at him as his bros huddled off to the side of the room. Modo studied each of them and with each passing second the feeling that there was something wrong grew. "What's going on?" he finally demanded. Carbine gave Rimfire's shoulder a shove which he retaliated with a push of his own. "Rimfire!" Modo scolded.

"She started it."

Modo could feel his temper rising. "If someone doesn't start talking I'm going to be taking each of you over my knee…"

Again Carbine shoved Rimfire forward. This time he only glared at her. Throttle and Vinnie stepped forward all ears, for they hadn't heard the news the other two Martians had brought.

"Well, it's like this," Rimfire began. As he relayed the news he tried not to meet any of the Biker Mice's eyes. News of this nature was better delivered with care, and Rimfire didn't exactly know how to phrase it. That was what the two had been arguing about, who should tell the guys the news. By the time he was done relaying the message, Modo was on his knees and his bros looked to both be in states of shock.

Carbine eased her way over to Throttle and took his hand. "You okay?" He slowly turned to face her and swallowed. "Yeah," came his hoarse reply. "I will be." Vinnie slowly turned and paced away from the group, suddenly in need of solitude. Throttle noticed his retreat and let him have his space. Carbine gave his hand a gentle squeeze and he returned the gesture before pulling her into an embrace. He silently thanked the stars that he had someone to hold.

Rimfire slowly closed the distance to where his uncle knelt. "Uncle Modo?" his voice cracked. Modo looked up and waved him closer. Rimfire gave a weak smile and knelt down next to him. Modo took him in a protective hug and held his nephew close. Great Martian Gods above why had Carbine made him give the news! Modo closed his eyes biting his lip to prevent the tears. Minutes passed before he realized that both he and Rimfire were weeping like lost children. He felt a hand on his shoulder and found Throttle standing behind him. "You okay Big Fella?"

Modo glanced to Rimfire, clinging to his side. _Oh Mamma! Look at him,_ he thought. Throttle squeezed his shoulder. "Modo?"

Modo didn't dare trust his voice, but nodded an affirmative. He'd have to be. Throttle eased back and gave him his space, which he was grateful for. Rimfire sat up, pulling away as he wiped his eyes. Modo whispered into his ear, "let's go for a walk."

Rimfire nodded, "okay."

Outside was a contrast to the dark inner holdings of the score board. Birds sang in the early March day, a lazy sun threatened to be warm but only teased the citizens of Chicago with mild temperatures. The two walked around the field lost in their own thoughts. Occasionally Rimfire would sniff reminding Modo that he wasn't alone. Modo wrapped his metal arm around Rimfire's shoulders and gave a squeeze, pulling him close. Rimfire wiped the back of his hand across his nose and smiled.

"Sorry about the news Uncle Modo." Rimfire looked away as more tears threatened.

"These things happen," Modo tried to console not believing that it would.

"But that doesn't mean they get any easier."

Modo nodded remembering a time long past when the two had taken a similar walk just after Rimfire's father had died. Rimfire had only been a child but he knew full well what death was. The Plutarkian war had just picked up to full swing and death was a regular occurrence amongst citizens and the army. Rimfire's father had laid down his life defending his family.

Modo smiled at the memory of their past walk. Sis had needed him to take up where her mate had left off. She had asked him to be a surrogate father to her children and he had gladly accepted the position as she dealt with her grief. He wondered what she was up to right now.

"In better news," Rimfire said cheerfully, "Primer and her mate just found out-"

Modo stopped walking. "Primer got married?"

Rimfire nodded. "She's expecting her first child in a few months. I'm going to be an uncle." His smile belied his mood and Modo was glad for it. It helped remove a bit of the sting. "And you'll be a great uncle."

Modo chuckled, "I've always been a 'great' uncle."

Charley had expected to walk into a raging party when she saw the Martian space craft. She was in no way prepared to find the place in utter gloom. They each greeted her with 'hey', 'hi Charley' or other variations upon that theme. None seemed to be overly aware of her presence, nor did they care to elaborate on their sour moods. When she finally had enough, she blurted out, "did someone die?! What's with all of you?" All the mice gave her shocked looks as if to say 'are you really that dumb'.

"Well, Charley," Throttle began but paused to clear his throat. "Someone did."

Charley took a step back, "oh. Sorry."

She waited for them to continue, but no one was forth coming.

Carbine took her by the arm and led her off to the side. "Give them some time, Charley. They are all still in a state of shock." Carbine spoke softly, so the guys wouldn't hear. Charley lowered her voice to match Carbine's, "tell me, who died?"

Carbine looked toward the Biker Mice. When she looked back at Charley tears were brimming in her eyes. She swallowed, "someone we all cared about."

"Stoker?" Charley's voice caught.

Carbine shook her head no.

Charley was filled with relief, but the feeling of dread hung in the air. "Who?"

"Carbine," Rimfire interrupted their hushed conference. "Where'd you put the kit?"

Carbine licked her lips. "It's in the ship."

Rimfire gave her a withered look and she exhaled sharply. "Can't this wait?"

"You know it can't." Rimfire shuffled from one foot to the other. If Charley hadn't known better she would have said that he looked as if he was waiting for a bathroom stall to open up after a crowded athletic event.

"Fine." Carbine left in a huff but not before promising Charley to tell her the whole story. An awkward silence was left in her wake. As Charley stared at Rimfire she gave him her warmest smile but he could only manage a quick raise in one corner of his lips which quickly fell. "It'll get better, Rimfire."

"Yeah." He didn't sound convincing. Charley watched his retreating back. Was it her imagination or did he look lost?

Carbine made good on her promise on her return and told Charley the full story over the guys' grief. It was almost too much for her to bare and she was a distant observer. She couldn't fathom what the three macho mice were going through. She thought it best she left to allow the guys a chance to grieve privately. As she approached her bike she found Vinnie lingering nearby.

"Hey Vinnie."

"Oh, hi." He didn't look at her.

"I'm sorry about your loss." Now he looked up.

"Thanks."

A pregnant pause followed. "Well, if you ever want to talk about it…" She began to say, but he asked over her, "want some company back to the garage?"

They both smiled weakly.

"I'd like that," They said in unison bringing a bigger smile to both of their faces.

Charley sat in awe as Vinnie 'Van Wham', the baddest mammer jammer of the universe opened up to her emotionally at her kitchen table. There was no doubt that he was in a state of shock to show this much vulnerability. But then again his world had just been shaken, rattled and rolled. To say that his world was flipped upside down was not only an understatement but also just the beginning.

He sighed, clutching her hand from across the table. "Thanks for listening Charley girl."

She smiled. "That's what friends are for." A tear escaped and she quickly wiped it away. He frowned and shook his head. "Now I got you up in tears."

"It's okay," she assured squeezing his hand. "I'm a girl remember. Girls cry at silly movies, we're not made of the same tough stuff you macho mice are made of."

He smiled, "good thing to know. I'd hate to be the one responsible for giving you tears." She gave half a laugh before standing up. "How's your stomach? Want anything to eat?" He took a long breath as he pondered over her question. "Thanks but no thanks, Charley. It'll be a while before the feeling of being punched in the gut subsides."

She nodded, "I understand. But you should drink something. Water?"

He agreed to a glass and took ginger sips as they continued to talk to pass the time. It was good to share his thoughts with Charley. He didn't know if he could, just now, with his bros. The news was too fresh and he didn't want to lose his control on his emotions in front of them.

The sound of Throttle's voice calling Vinnie's name came from the garage. Holding hands, Vinnie led Charley back to his bike.

~Vinnie?~

Vinnie placed a finger to his lips, signaling Charley to be quiet. He pressed a button. "What ya need bro?"

~Vincent, where are you?~ Throttle barked, annoyed.

"I needed some air."

~We agreed no one was going to leave the stadium for a while.~

Vinnie sighed, "I know, but-"

~Get back here. Stop by the Last Chance and convince Charley to come back with you.~

Vinnie glanced to her, "why?"

~You already know why.~

Vinnie clicked off his radio and gave her a long look, "Well sweet heart?"

"What did he mean, you already know why?"

Charley entered ahead of Vinnie to find Modo sitting with his left arm stretched out and Throttle standing in front of him with a mean looking knife. She gasped and felt Vinnie reach for her, but she was already running forward. Rimfire jumped into her path, blocking her way. "Charley wait!" Both Rimfire and Vinnie cried.

"What are you guys doing?!"

Rimfire and Vinnie fought to restrain her as she frantically fought her way across the room.

Throttle paused cutting Modo's arm. He found Charley's outburst too disturbing to concentrate on the Martian ritual he was trying to perform. He had to do this just right or else he could cause serious injury to his bro.

"Let us explain," Rimfire tried to sooth.

"Charley listen," Vinnie pleaded, but she refused to calm down. Rimfire grabbed for one of her arms, but she smacked it away. Rimfire cried out in pain and fell to his knees clutching his arm. Modo jumped to his feet, ready to assist his nephew. Throttle's gentle hand kept him still long enough to let the ordeal play out. Rimfire's cry of pain had given Charley pause. She looked down and found that Rimfire's arm had a bloody bandage wrapped around his forearm, the same forearm she had just batted away. She took a long breath, pushed her hair back and asked, "What are you guys doing?"

"It's okay, Charley girl," Vinnie stated as he helped Rimfire to his feet.

"Okay? You think THIS," she indicated the knife poised in Throttle's hand, "is okay? Is this some sick Martian tradition?"

Throttle and Modo exchanged looks and answered, "no."

"Then why are you cutting each other!?" she exploded.

Carbine, who had been in the kitchen area, looked at Charley with sympathy. She knew that their human friend would never understand, but the guys had wanted her present.

"We are not all taking the Kundar," Throttle explained calmly as Modo resumed his seat. "Only Rimfire and Modo are."

Both uncle and nephew nodded.

"Ready Big Fella?"

Modo nodded to his bro and extended his arm again. He looked away and found Charley staring at him with disbelief. "It's really all right Charley Ma'am."

Throttle took a moment to compose himself, whispered a silent prayer before he slowly slid the knife across Modo's forearm. Time slowed to an agonizing halt as Throttle performed the Kundar for Modo. Charley watched in horror as Modo's arm bled uncontrollably but Throttle was only halfway across Modo's inner forearm. When he had finished, an angry cut bled freely. She was not impressed by the unnecessary harm nor how Modo refused to cry out and 'took it like a man'. This entire idea was absurd and pointless in her eyes.

Throttle set the knife down and inspected the cut. Modo smiled despite the pain, "not bad bro."

Throttle frowned to himself, "I don't know."

"Better finish this," Carbine handed Throttle a wad of gauze. She motioned with her head toward Charley.

Throttle got the gist and began to bind Modo's wound with Carbine's help.

Charley noticed the exchange and tried to ignore it. They obviously didn't think she understood, but she did. There was no need to cut Modo's arm. Or Rimfire's for that matter! She turned away ready to head for the door, but Vinnie turned her back to facing Modo and Throttle. "So," she began anger dripping from her words, "you cut Rimfire's arm too?"

Throttle paused to look up from his ministrations, "no."

"I did," Modo replied. "As is the custom."

"But-"

"We will explain," Throttle sighed. "Carbine, more gauze. Sorry Big Fella, I went a little too deep."

Modo nodded, biting his lip. "It's okay bro, it'll heal."

Charley shook her head with disgust. In all the years she had known the guys this had to be one of the most pointless, dumbest, and reckless things they had ever done.

Modo watched Throttle finish patching his arm as he spoke. "The Kundar is a pain ritual family members endure after a loved one dies. It is performed by another family member." Modo winced in pain.

"Or by someone very close," Carbine added.

"It symbolizes pain and loss," Vinnie offered.

"The cut," Throttle spoke up " is a reminder of the pain and the loss of blood is a tribute to those who have died."

"After the cut heals," Modo continued. "The scars remind us daily of the ones we've lost but are also a reminder that they will always be with us." Modo reluctantly met Charley's gaze. "Sorry Charley Ma'am if this disturbs you. I didn't want you to wonder why Rimfire and I had cuts on our arms."

"Modo thought it would be easier to explain if you watched," Carbine supplied.

Throttle tied off the bandage and Modo stood, flexing his arm. "I don't know if this makes sense-"

"It doesn't. Needlessly inflicting..." she took a deep breath. "A lot of things you guys do doesn't make much sense to me." Charley rubbed her temples with her fingers. "I'm trying to understand."

"That's all you can do," Carbine remarked.

"And, I'm sorry for your loss Modo."

Modo nodded, unsure of what to say.

The moment turned awkward as Throttle and Carbine cleaned up the kit's equipment. Modo took the lead and motioned for everyone to head toward the living quarters of the Biker Mice's hang out. They gathered around the beat up couch and mismatched chairs that Charley had found on the side of the road shortly after the guys had crashed on Earth. Modo sat down on the couch next to Rimfire, as Vinnie and Charley took seats across from them, a small coffee table between the pairs. Throttle and Carbine joined the group, setting root beer bottles before each of those gathered. Throttle sat in the last remaining spot on the couch as Carbine leaned against the arm rest nearest him.

Modo leaned forward and grabbed his root beer. He took a long draught before leaning back, resting his left arm around his nephews shoulders and resting the root beer bottle on his right knee. "This wasn't exactly how I had planned on spending my day."

"None of us had this planned," Throttle agreed.

Everyone nodded . The room fell silent as each mouse and Charley puzzled their inner thoughts.

Vinnie broke the silence, "You guys remember when we got our ears pierced?"

Modo chuckled, "Oh Mamma, do I."

Throttle chuckled at his friends. Rimfire, who had been leaning forward studying his clasped hands sat back and looked at his uncle. "What happened?"

"Well..." Modo set his root beer onto the table. "You're Mamma," Modo looked at Charley "my sister, she caught us in the act."

"So?"

Modo gave his nephew a sideways glance, "she knew your grandmamma wouldn't like it and she tried to blackmail us."

"She said that your Mamma would be mad," Vinnie guffawed.

"Mad?" Throttle interjected. "She wasn't mad, she was furious when she found out what we'd done."

All three Biker Mice laughed out loud.

"What did Grandmamma do?"

"Well, we tried to act all cool."

"Thought we could just hide it under her nose is more like it," Throttle remarked.

"It wasn't like she didn't already know," Vinnie interjected. "Your mother had already snitched."

"You knew she was going to," Modo replied. "Anyway, we tried to play it cool and wait and see how long it would take Mamma to notice that we'd gone and pierced our ears. At first she didn't say anything so we thought she hadn't noticed."

"But she had," Vinnie grinned. "We expected that if she did get upset all she'd do was send Throttle and I home before scolding Modo."

"What great friends," Charley remarked sourly.

"What are you talking about?" Vinnie eyed her.

"But we were wrong," Throttle winced. "As soon as we had all settled into Modo's room and were laughing amongst ourselves about how we pulled a fast one."

"Then she slipped into the room, closed the door, and let us have it," Modo smiled.

"I can still feel the beating she gave us with that broom," Throttle reminisced.

"Ranting the entire time about what a poor influence we were on her boy," Vinnie laughed.

Rimfire couldn't hold his laughter back and laughed at their expense. Even Charley had to admit the antidote was funny.

Modo wiped away a tear. "I still remember the disappointment in her eyes as she watched you guys leave," Modo almost chocked. "and the way she looked at me...she said she didn't understand why we had done it."

"Why did you pierce your ears if you knew you would only get in trouble?" Charley asked.

Modo blushed. He reached up and touched one earring, lost in the past, "we've been friends for what seemed like forever." He touched the second earring," and we would forever be friends." Charley noticed each of the guys touched their own earrings. "Mamma was okay with that. Now Throttle's tattoo-"

"Oh no," Throttle groaned.

"What about his tattoo," Carbine smirked.

Vinnie guffawed. "He would hide it every time he knew he had to see Modo's Mamma!"

"Whatever," Throttle rolled his eyes. Carbine nudged his arms and he sat deeper into the couch.

"You would wear long sleeves just so she wouldn't see it." Vinnie turned to Charley, "he was afraid of taking another beating."

"I didn't see either of you two getting one," Throttle remarked.

"Come on Throttle, lighten up," Carbine teased.

He gave her a half hearted smile before drinking his root beer.

"So what did she do when she finally saw it?" Charley asked.

Throttle paused drinking for a split second but quickly resumed in an attempt to avoid answering. But he knew his human friend to well and her expression spoke volumes. "nothing."

"Nothing?"

"She didn't say anything."

"Really?" Carbine questioned.

"But she did something," Rimfire angled for more information.

"She just looked at me, shook her head and walked away. It was several years later that she finally said something."

"And that was?" Modo queried.

"That I'd grown into it." Throttle shrugged and drank his root beer. "And that I was lucky it wasn't some girls name."

Vinnie threw back his head with laughter. Throttle silenced him by snapping a bottle cap at him. Charley smiled at their antics knowing that this reminiscing was helping ease their pain.

"I remember the first time you guys took me over to meet her," Carbine mussed softly.

"Oh, that was another time I won't forget," Modo acknowledged. "I couldn't believe how she just ripped into you like that."

"What?!" Rimfire spit out the sip of root beer he had been trying to drink. As he wiped his chin he asked, "what did Grandmamma do?"

"Let Carbine tell it," Throttle suggested.

All eyes shifted to the Martian General. "Well, let's see. We were all in finishing school. Throttle was a year ahead of me and we had been dating for only a few weeks when these motor heads decided that I needed to meet Modo's Mamma. They said that we were just going over to Modo's place to hang out with friends but they just were setting up the ambush."

"We were not," Throttle remarked. "We-"

Carbine cut him off with her 'Don't interrupt me' look. "We did some studying before heading out to meet up with our other friends, but just before we left Modo's Mamma pulled me aside and said 'If you break my sons heart, I swear to you girl that I will break you in places no mouse has ever broken before'."

Throttle chuckled and leaned forward to look at Rimfire, "she was so pale that we thought she'd- oww!"

Carbine glared at him and he quickly amended his statement, "she got the drift."

Carbine continued, "Throttle's parents were by no means any easier to meet, but it was your grandmother's warning that had more of an after effect. The next time I saw her I didn't believe her sweet gestures. But in time I came to realize that she wasn't as terrifying as she wanted me to believe. Besides I think she knew what challenges I was facing with his real parents."

Throttle smiled at his lady, "and look at us now." She rolled her eyes at him.

"Wow," Rimfire breathed, "I'm glad I never made Grandmamma mad at me."

Modo pulled back, surprised. "You never?" Modo glanced over to Charley as she was eating up the memories. "Don't believe him. He had plenty of opportunities to ruffle Mamma's fur."

"Like when?"

Modo smiled, "you were just a toddler, into everything and going everywhere. Your Mamma had just set you down and you were toddling off. It only took you a second before you had your grandmamma's pet cadil in your mouth."

Vinnie groaned, Throttle hissed and Carbine covered her mouth in horror with her hands.

"Before we knew it you had swallowed the darn thing."

Charley looked baffled, "what's a cadil?"

Modo grinned evilly, "it's a little spiny creature. Kinda like a cross between a cactus and a canary."

"Oh my."

"Mamma was so mad at him for eating her beloved pet that she refused to see him when he got sick and was crying all night long."

"I don't remember that."

"What about the time when Rimfire broke into the neighbors and made stink bombs with the fertilizer he found?" Vinnie supplied. "I believe she shouted something to the effect of 'of all the hair brained ideas, Rimfire! You're almost as bad as your uncle!"

Rimfire smiled, "you!"

Modo noticed something of interest in the ceiling and began to study it. "Nope, not me."

Rimfire laughed. "No wonder Mamma always said you were a bad influence."

"Me?" Modo exclaimed. "Your stink bomb left your sister stinking for over a month!"

"Oh yeah. Forgot about that. Primer smelled like a rotten..." Rimfire cleared his throat. "I shouldn't have done that."

Charley laughed with the others this time. She had never gotten to hear much about their lives before the war. She was enjoying hearing the tales about their early friendship.

"You were ten times worse than me!" Modo boasted. "I will never forget, Rimfire was barely out of diapers when I got 'Little Haus'. Sis wanted to go for a ride and so did each of the kids. When it came time for Rimfire's turn, he stood there, placed his hand on his hip and the other palm extended out and demanded my keys; that he was going to drive."

Rimfire smiled.

"Sis wouldn't let him near my bike for months."

The empty root beer bottles began to pile up on the table in front of the Biker Mice. Soon they had to turn on the lights to ward off the advancing gloom of night. "I remember," Throttle said "a time where Modo really scared his Mamma. We weren't friends yet, but she would tell Vinnie and I this story whenever she thought we were up to mischief. It was her way of guilt tripping us out of an adventure."

Modo groaned.

"And most times it worked," Vinnie saluted Throttle with his latest bottle of root beer and took a sip.

"As the story goes, Modo was still in diapers, had just learned to crawl when his family took a trip to one of the old mining towns. He wandered off and climbed into a miners cart-"

"Sis put me in it. She was very jealous and was trying to get rid of me."

"Ahem. May I?" Throttle replied.

Modo sighed, "go ahead."

"By the time Modo's Mamma realized that he was missing the cart was rolling down the tracks and into the mine."

"Mamma saw me peek over the carts edge just as it went into the mine and screamed."

"Several mice nearby raced in after Modo, but his cart had picked up speed and they couldn't catch it. when they found him the cart was in pieces and he was playing with some rocks at the end of the tunnel."

"Sis never let me live that down," Modo chuckled.

"Mamma would never have done that," Rimfire said reproachfully.

"It was a long time ago, nephew."

The hours passed on as each of the mice wove a tale of days long ago on Mars. It was long into the night by the time Carbine recounted her first fight with Throttle. They were holding hands when she asked, "do you remember that?"

He smiled, "I do. Carbine was convinced that I was looking at this other girl." He told Charley.

"You were drooling! His eyes were practically coming out of his sockets and he was following her with is gaze."

"I was not."

Carbine dropped his hand and folded her arms across her chest.

"Come on babe, are you still mad after all this time?"

"I wouldn't be if you would just admit that you had been looking at her."

Throttle sighed and looked over to Charley looking for sympathy, "Carbine slugged me so hard I thought she had broken my jaw."

"I guess I should have hit you harder. Afterwards I ran off, never wanting to see him again. My parents never liked Throttle so running home would have only been met with 'told you so', so I went to Modo's Mamma. She didn't say much, just sat there and listened. And when these three came dragging in later she let me hide in the back room till she chased them off."

"I didn't know that," Throttle told her.

"You never asked. To make a long story short, Modo's Mamma scolded Throttle, told him to watch where his eyes wandered-"

"and that if I screwed it up with Carbine, she'd tie my tail into knots and hang me from the nearest outcropping of rocks."

"I guess she liked you, Carbine," Charley smiled. "I wish I had known her."

"She will be missed." Throttle held out his hand to Carbine and she took it, forgiving him for their younger selves silly mistake, "yes she will."

Rimfire watched Throttle clear away the empty root beer bottles. The group had reminisced long into the night. Carbine had gone back to the Last Chance with Charley, and Vinnie had gone along as an escort for the ladies. As his fatigue grew so did his despair. Modo patted his shoulder," go ahead and take the couch. Use that blanket."

Rimfire turned to find a crocheted blanket draped over the back of the couch. He slowly pulled it onto his lap. It was soft and looked as if it had seen better days.

"Your Grandmamma made that for me when I joined the Freedom Fighters," Modo smiled.

Rimfire took a fistful of the woven yarn by hand. "She made me one too. It's still in my footlocker, I've never had the heart to use it."

Modo patted his back again, "get some sleep nephew."

Rimfire looked up, tears in his eyes, "Mamma wanted me to come and visit, but I decided to go on a mission for Stoke."

Modo watched his nephew, not sure of what to say.

Rimfire sniffed, "they were always bugging me to visit, but-"

"Rimfire..."

Rimfire hugged the blanket close. "I should have gone."

Modo sat down next to Rimfire and pulled his nephew into a warm embrace. "It's okay."

"I didn't get to say goodbye," Rimfire sobbed.

Modo rubbed Rimfire's back, knowing that the same pain ran in his own heart as well. He would rather have faced and entire planet full of thugs, monsters, super villains, and raging saber squids during a sand storm than face this moment. Danger was easier to confront than the mixed emotions and having to face his short comings. Modo sat with his nephew until Rimfire had fallen asleep, his head in his lap. Throttle found the pair together and he helped his friend cover Rimfire with the blanket. "Rough day."

Modo nodded.

Throttle left his hand on Rimfire's shoulder as he knelt down beside his friend. "I know you feel guilty-"

"I should have been there, bro."

"Rimfire feels the same way, but it doesn't mean it's true. How were you suppose to know this was going to happen?"

Modo looked down at Rimfire asleep on the couch. "I feel so helpless," Modo confessed.

Throttle laid his free hand on Modo's right shoulder, "hang tough, Big Fella."

Throttle eased off. He knew the pain of guilt as well as the pain of loss. He looked down at the three parallel scars on his left forearm. He traced each line with his right index finger. The upper scar was for his mother. She had died before the war began in an 'accident'. A Plutarkian back hoe had accidently been digging in the wrong area, causing an avalanche. Several civilians had been killed in their homes; Throttle had nearly been one of them. He still had nightmares of his mother lying motionless half buried in the rubble. She had saved his life by pushing him clear of the falling rocks. He had tried desperately to dig her out, but it had been too late. His father said that she had been killed instantly, a blessing since her back had been broken.

The second scar was for his father. Stoker had broken the news of his fathers' death just weeks after he had joined the Freedom Fighters. He never got the full story, but the Plutarkians had played a role in his demise as well.

The last scar was smaller than the other two. That one was for Harley. It had been so long since they had gotten any word on her that they assumed that she was yet another casualty of war. Vinnie had refused to perform the Kundar for her, saying that he wouldn't believe that she was gone until he saw her dead body. Throttle and Modo had let him slide, but the two had done it anyway. Throttle rubbed Harley's scar. He wished he was wrong, desperately wished it. The only scar he was missing was one for his sister.

Despite his scars Throttle knew Vinnie did not have any Kundar marks of his own. The white mouse had never spoken why, or if his parents or family were still alive. The Kundar ritual was only allowed to adult mice. The thought that a child should endure the marks had always been unthinkable, even if they had lost a parent in childhood. But Throttle knew otherwise. Many orphans had practiced the rite during the war. Many lost their precious little lives because it was done wrong. Others had severed tendons and nerves, losing the ability to use their arm.

Throttle stole a glance over his shoulder. Modo sat, head down, gently rubbing Rimfire's shoulders. He only wished he could do more for his big hearted friend. It killed him to see him in such misery. He again thought about the Kundar, half regretting not taking it himself. But if he cut himself every time he lost a comrade or someone he held dear he'd soon run out of viable space. All the scars would blend together and what good would that do? Throttle slipped under the covers and hugged his pillow, suddenly aware of how lonely life was. He wished Carbine had stayed instead of going back with Charley.

Vinnie finished his duty as escort, wished the two ladies a good night before quickly escaping into the night. He took the 90 toll way out of Chicago and drove for nearly an hour till he was in Belvedere. He found a corn field off the well beaten path and stopped. He hid his bike and began to wander among the stalks. Now that he was completely alone, except for the crickets, lightening bugs, moon and stars, he allowed himself to bow his head and cry.

Modo leaned back into the cushions, exhausted beyond reckoning but too tired to sleep. Rimfire's news had his emotions, as well as his thoughts in a jumble. He scratched at the bandage on his arm. Tomorrow it would burn like the devils of Mars, but tonight it ached. One reason a mouse took the Kundar was what he had told Charley earlier. Another reason was to help get one's mind off reasons for the Kundar. Throttle had done a good job with the knife, even if it had been a little too deep. As he said before, he's alive. _Oh Mamma_ , he thought as he scratched.

Rimfire whimpered in his sleep and Modo rubbed his back, as if to calm a small child. He could only imagine how it had been on Mars when Primer came to tell him the news. Carbine had come along just in case she had been needed, but he still didn't understand why she had made Rimfire deliver the news. Modo sighed heavily. Rimfire may be all grown up but he would forever be his little nephew.

Modo closed his eyes, in an attempt to find some sleep, but the day's events played through his head keeping him awake. He needed space to think of anything else, anything at all, but when it came down to it, Mars was where he wanted to be right now. He and his bros had been gone so long, and though this little adventure had been fun, he missed his home more than ever. Going back wouldn't change things, but at least he could make a difference to where it counted most- his family.

Rimfire woke with his arm ablaze He ripped the bandage off and began to scratch around the wound. He would have scratched the cut itself if it hadn't already opened again. He tried to stop scratching but the desire to be rid of the burning only intensified. So long as he clawed at his skin around the wound he found a little relief.

A metal hand clamped down on his arm, covering the wound. He looked to his right, surprised to see his uncle. "I said stop."

"But it burns."

"I know," Modo gritted out. "it's suppose to."

Rimfire twitched where he sat. "Please."

"No. You'll only get it infected."

"But-"

"No, Rimfire."

Rimfire gave up his rebuttal and allowed his uncle to re-bandage his arm. "You don't seem to be having any problems with it."

"I have also done it before."

"Is this why you wouldn't let me do the Kudar when dad died?"

Modo affixed a piece of medical tape around the bandage. "No. You were just too young."

"Primer-"

Modo looked Rimfire square in the eye. The look he gave Rimfire gave no quarter for rebuking.

"You were against her doing the Kundar too."

"Your Mamma compromised with you. Now let me tell you what you're in for IF you leave it alone. It will burn like the war gods, itch like nothing you have ever felt before, ache worse than your chest does now and it will soon scab over. IF you don't leave it alone it gets worse and leaves a disfiguring scar if you're lucky."

"I thought the whole point was to leave a scar."

"Not like that, besides most of those scars go deep down messing with your arm. You'll be considered fortunate if you can raise your hand to wave."

"If it's so risky why do it?" Rimfire asked, trying not to scratch.

Modo got a far off leak, "because it's worth the discomfort to have their memories always with us."

I have battled for years with this idea of what would happen when Modo got the news that his mother had passed away. Nothing I could come up with seemed to fit the emotional quality needed to express his grief. One day, as I sat at work, waiting for the day to be over so I could take my father to the doctors for a bone marrow procedure I worried over what was to come. He said it was a 'regular procedure that was done every day', but as I am a lab tech I knew differently. I have sat in on bone marrow procedures before and I knew what my dad was about to go through. And I knew why we in the lab run bone marrow procedures. It is not a 'regular test' done on the whim of some doctor. It is only done in rare extreme cases to diagnose leukemia's.

I was faced with the grim possibility that I was going to lose my dad, my mentor and best friend sooner than I would have liked. To stop myself from crying I picked up a pen and this story flowed easily onto the pages. The story was finished before my shift had ended. That was back in 2012. After we got the diagnosis a month after his bone marrow the doctor neglected to give my dad a prognosis, so I went home and consulted my hematology books. It is a very lonely feeling sitting by oneself on the couch reading that the greatest man in my life only had between six months to two years to live. My dad passed away on April 14, 2013 at the age of 82. I miss him terribly to this day (especially after my house was broken into and I chased the burglar out at sword point). But I know that he is with me forever and always. My dad was a strong advocate for giving back to our community. In his honor I joined two international Star Wars costuming organizations (soon I will be joining a third) that do community service and charity work. In addition, my Chewbacca costume is in honor of a young boy who died just after we visited him in the hospital. I am NorCalChewie because of him so his memory will never be forgotten.

Never underestimate what your influence on others will be. It can be a positive or a negative one. Look for the moments where you can help others and bring joy. I was blessed to have a father who loved me, gave me freedom to become a strong courageous woman, and helped me reach the farthest star. Nothing is impossible if you try- if you never try, you'll never know- my dad said so.


End file.
